I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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