I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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