i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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