Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
