I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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