so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Semen is not good for contacts.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize