btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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