im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize