White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
