I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
