I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
