Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
