he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
