During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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