At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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