my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
