Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
