Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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