she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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