omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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