btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
