if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
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Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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