is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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