I have demons in me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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