Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
