We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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