im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
