R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
