pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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