I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm both gender and math confused
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
