The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
