Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We named our party play list daddy issues
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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