Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
