Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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