You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
