so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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