please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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