:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
