watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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