So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
