if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
