I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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