I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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