I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
