Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
