Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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