Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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