After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
