Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
