there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
