i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
