shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
