That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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