she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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