so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just had sex on a roof
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
