1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
