just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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