hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't deserve a penis
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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