my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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