Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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