I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
