i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
