The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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