Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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