My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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