i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
