I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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