So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
