I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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