It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
