ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
