i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
