You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
