we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize