the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
