also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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