...so i touched it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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