i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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